REPRINTED FROM QI JOURNAL , SPRING 2007

                                            By Charles Yarborough, L.Ac.

Relationships are endlessly fascinating and infinitely unique. They’re often regarded as the ultimate test of character and, while they may sometimes bring us pain and annoyance, we wouldn’t want to face life without having at least one.  Oddly, despite the importance we attach to finding that perfect mate, we devote little analytical thought to the process of searching and selecting. Emotional thinking is often the rule.  It seems we give more careful consideration to the car- or house-buying process than to the quality of person we’ll be enjoying them with.  This isn’t surprising, considering the lack of structure and guidance offered to modern Westerners pursuing durable relationships.  For the person disinterested in religious dogma, internet questionnaires or hanging out at the organic vegetable section of the local market, few ways are available to pre-qualify a potential mate.

We Westerners may be free of the outdated, intrusive traditions of our forebears, but we’re also disconnected from the guiding wisdom they imparted.  Fortunately, we’re also free to borrow from history and other cultures when shaping our lives.  Chinese Face Reading is an ancient tradition that can help us form more durable intimate bonds.

                                    UPDATING THE DATING FILES

In an ideal world, our personal needs are anticipated and fulfilled without our having to articulate and express them.  In fact, we enjoy such an interlude at the dawn of our lives. When these infantile expectations pop up in our adult life, however, they cause us disappointment and unhappiness.  While it comes as a bitter surprise to some, we must eventually stop expecting the objects of our affection to read our minds. And so it’s essential that we understand our needs and how to fulfill them.  We must also ask what can be reasonably expected from our significant others.  These are issues we’ll want to address before searching for a life partner, and they’re questions Chinese Face Reading can answer.

While Chinese Face Reading is steeped in a cultural context we may not thoroughly understand, it nevertheless translates effectively for our purposes.  For instance, features that suggest a man will attain “a high position in government” may have been auspicious in imperial China, but for contemporary Westerners, this might cast doubt on his moral character.  It wouldn’t be unreasonable to transpose a “high position in government” to a high position in the business or organizational world.

The historical view of women, too, can be reassessed.  When seeking a wife, men were warned of the woman whose facial features revealed willfulness and obstinacy (high, prominent cheekbones), for she was likely to be disobedient.  Caution was also exercised when considering a woman whose features suggested a talkative nature.  These qualities are now regarded as valuable assets in the business world when modulated smartly. Margaret Thatcher, Arianna Huffington and Hillary Clinton are examples of women who have used these qualities to achieve their ambitions.

JUST YOUR TYPE

What type of person are you? This is the first question you’ll need to ask and you’ll do it by examining your own face.  There are five basic types of physical-emotional constitutions, with virtually unlimited shades, dimensions and contradictions (The compatibility of co-existing opposites is a concept we’ll need to absorb).  Water, Wood, Fire, Earth and Metal are the essential types and are interlaced with each other in what is called The Chen/Ko Cycle.  In this cycle, an element such as Water is controlled or modulated by the “grandmother” element (Earth) and is nourished by its “mother” element (Metal).  Every element is, in turn, a mother or grandmother in relationship to another.  After determining the element you represent, it’s helpful to consider what element your energetic profile would be compatible with.

Water: Round face

mother is Metal

grandmother is Earth

Wood: Long, sinewy face

mother is Water

grandmother Metal

Fire: Sharp, pointed features

mother is Wood

grandmother is Water

Earth: Square face

mother Fire

grandmother is Wood

Metal: Oval face

mother is Earth

grandmother is Fire

Keep in mind that, if you are the grandmother (or “controlling”) element to the other person’s prevailing element, you’ll have the opportunity to help them temper the vagaries of their energetic archetype.  If you are the mother element, you’ll find yourself fulfilling more of an overtly nourishing and supportive function The mother element helps the base element find fullness of being.  This is how the elements interface and how we, as their atomic expressions, are pulled into the tide of interpersonal relationships.  Let’s consider several of the elements and see how they manifest in character and personality.

THE WATER PERSON

The Water element is often represented by a person with a round face, traditionally called the “moon face.”  In Chinese folklore the moon is associated with intelligence, wisdom, and is the ultimate source of all earthly things. Not surprisingly, the owner of the moon face is commonly recognized for possessing great mental powers and persuasiveness.  The area under their eyes is often shaded and the ears, which may or may not be large, will have good sized lobes. Large lobes are associated with wisdom and longevity, as depictions of the Buddha attest.

Water people are usually cautious; they plan for the future and save diligently.  If they sometimes seem fearful or anxious, it’s because their need for comfort and security is undermined by their deep, inherent connection to the hazardous flux that is the framework of life.  Their over-exaggerated fears can result in eccentric behavior such as outlandish stockpiling.  Water people, however, are less likely to broadcast their fears than are Earth people, who will compulsively unload their anxieties by describing them ad nauseum to anyone who will listen.  Due to their penchant for planning for the worst, Water people rarely get a parking ticket or overdue fine.  When one is received, however, they obsess over it, and carefully plan how to avoid future similar catastrophes.   Anyone whose romantic leanings are infused with maternal or paternal feelings will do well with a Water type and will accumulate many endearing anecdotes.  Both Earth and Metal people are particularly good matches for the Water person, due to their positions as controllers and nurturers in the Chen/Ko cycle.

METAL AND WATER

Recently, one afternoon, a lady friend took me on a leisurely drive through Golden Acres, Hollywood’s graveyard for the glitterati--both famous and forgotten.  As a Metal person (mother element to her Water element), I often find myself providing counsel and reassurance to my lady friend.  I also know that, when she eventually finds a suitable love interest in her own Hollywood story, the love interest will have to be as patient and as charmed by her idiosyncrasies as I am.  We rolled down the narrow road sipping our cappuccinos, when suddenly she turned the wheel, sending us over the curb and into the grass.  “Oh my God! Oh dear!” she cried, tearing out her hair.  “Oh no, oh no!”

“What is it? What’s the matter?”  I asked as we careened through Memory Meadow, our cappuccinos splashing in our laps.

“I just realized that I’ll be dead one day and it will all be over,” she shuddered.  “I won’t see or hear or think anything anymore because I won’t even exist any more!  I’ll be gone and forgotten, just like all these old celebrities! ”

Sensing a comfort level crisis, I waved a Godiva truffle under her nose.

“Oooh!” she cooed, flattening some poor soul’s gladiolas.  “Chocolate!”

WOOD AND METAL

Wood types are colorful characters, unafraid of conflict.  Ambitious and driven, they’re frequently engaged in advocacy and in the correction of perceived social injustices. However, one often gets the impression that their altruistic advocacy is secretly--as the philosopher Nietzhe would call it--the Will to Power.  That is to say the Wood person is motivated by a characteristic need to wield and exercise power and to expend his or her great reserves of creative energy.

A young, bushy haired programmer at a Boston radio station has been invited to a meeting with the board of directors.  “This station sucks,” he says, as the gray haired men listen stone-faced. “The programs we feature at this station are completely irrelevant and have a stale, conservative slant.”  The station manager, a pretty woman sitting to his right, blushes. She looks at the programmer’s red-dyed ponytail, pointed chin and unruly unibrow, hoping the corporate bosses will forgive the outburst.  As his immediate supervisor, she is responsible for his programming choices.  She’s also his wife, though nobody knows it.

The young man continues, “You guys pretend to care about quality content, but your bottom line is advertising revenue.  We’re here to serve the community! What we need at this station is more diverse points of view, more challenging and innovative ideas!  America wants it.  This can only help the station’s revenue stream!”

One of the blue-suited men leans back and taps his chin.  “We can’t risk alienating our advertisers,” he says.  The other men hum in smug agreement. Before the young man can respond, one of the board members stands up and gestures toward the door.  “We’ll take your suggestions under consideration,” he says.  “Thank you and enjoy your day.”

“Oh no you don’t,” counters the programmer, his face flushing and the muscles in his sallow cheeks twitching.  “I’m not done yet!  This station is going more off track by the minute and the only way to save it is for you to hear my ideas. We need younger on-air personalities. I demand that you--”
The woman pulls him out the door, smiling at the board of directors apologetically.  “He gets so excited,” she says.  “Don’t you just love his passion? What wild ideas, huh? Oh well, have a nice day, gentlemen.”

One of the men snorts with amusement, “I‘d advise you to keep him in check.”

Out in the hall, the woman touches her husband’s shoulder and winks.  “You did a lot better this time, sweetheart,” she says.  “You were passionate but you didn’t lose your temper and you didn’t kick any walls today. I’m proud.”

“They rejected my ideas,” he says.

“No, darling.  They liked your ideas.  I know how these guys work.  They’ll do everything you told them to. We won.”

FINDING EMOTIONAL HEALTH

The young man, with his bony, narrow face and pointed chin, is recognizable as a Wood type even before he opens his mouth.  His thick, unruly eyebrows suggest an impassioned, creative temperament, one that interprets discipline as mere restraint.  If those weren’t sufficient indicators, one need only listen to his impassioned oratorio.  The Wood person is often most fulfilled when invested in a cause or crusade and, while the kindest interpetation of this archetype may be the phrase, “aspirations and yearnings,” the most accurate description may be, “overambitious and inflammatory.”  Stoking the heat of his elemental type is an underlying Fire feature: ears that are pointed at the top.  This indicates he is a hard worker, one who completes tasks with diligence and enthusiasm. Nevertheless, he is stubborn and intemperate, which brings him into conflict with others.

The young man’s wife is a Metal type, as her oval face, translucent skin and slightly sunken cheeks suggest.  As a Metal person she is well matched with her young friend; she represents his controlling element and is able to modulate his behavior to keep him from getting fired. The Metal person is a charming but placating person who mourns real and imagined loss, and yet is able to defuse a tense situation or excited person by injecting humor into a heated exchange.  While this may appear as wit or social skill, it’s an elevated form of placating, a means of ordering a hostile universe, of rendering potentially dangerous forces and foes harmless.  The highest expression of this archetype is diplomacy; the lowest is flattery.  And somewhere in between is the court jester.

Were court jestering still a viable career choice, it would be an industry dominated by Metal types.  With their nimble, saucy wit, their ability to squeeze humor out of gravitas and to portray the faults of others in a comical way, they would surely gain the patronage of today’s business and government leaders. Does this mean Metal people are sycophants?  Hardly. Describing Han-dynasty court jesters, Edward L. Shaughnessy writes, “The emperor and his courtiers would often be entertained by such figures who, it is claimed, sometimes attempted to subtly influence the opinions of their rulers by means of their comic performances.”¹  Metal types, with their heightened sense of ambience, would never lapse into rudeness in the pursuit of their agendas; unlike the assertive Wood person, they recognize their limits.  It’s this awareness of limits that the young programmer is learning from his Metal wife.

The synchronicity of the couple’s elemental prototypes is enhanced by the similarity of their childhood experiences.  The child of unstable, disinterested parents, the woman understands the pain of not being valued or acknowledged.  The young man spent his childhood suffering degradation by a rigid, fundamentalist father who regarded him as worthless.  By helping the young programmer moderate his behavior, the woman helps him gain acceptance from perceived authorities.  She also connects with--and heals--an emotional wound from her own painful past.

                                                             THE FIRE PERSON

Few people can generate excitement, laughter and jealousy as effortlessly as the Fire person. In the Chen/Ko cycle, Fire is controlled by Water and mothered by Earth.  Within the Fire element, as with all elements, there is a Yin/Yang balance.  When Yin is deficient and unable to provide a stabilizing, anchoring framework for the expression of personality, Yang generates excess heat, causing exaggerated behavior, overreaction and inappropriate hilarity.  We may find such people exciting and charismatic and not know exactly why. They may convince us to invest in their brilliant plans but will fail to follow through; they’ve already moved on to their next inspiration.  Oftentimes they burst onto the scene (or into the media) like a flare, their talent and brilliance exploding for a short time before fizzling or self-destructing.  This Fire-Yin deficiency can be drug-induced (cocaine, etc.), even if the person isn’t fundamentally a Fire person.

Conversely, if the Fire person’s Yang element is deficient, the Yin cools the shen (lucid spirit); there isn’t enough heat to generate a dynamic expression of the self with its enthusiasm, curiosity, introspection and critical thought.  This leaves the deficient person susceptible to the intrusion of other people’s egos.  Dangerous, narcissistic types are the most newsworthy intruders: witness the “gurus” of recent years, whose foggy eyed drones commit crimes and suicide at their master’s bidding.  Confusion, miasma and a lack of purpose or direction are hallmarks of this condition.  A Fire Yang-deficient person is also recognizable by a dull look in his or her eyes, and a flat affect.  The eyes, as most Chinese face readers will tell you, are among the first-read features, setting the tone for the reading.

                                                     A LOVELY WAY TO BURN
But all is not lost for the Fire person!  In their balanced state, Fire types are the some of the most inspiring, optimistic, generous and energetic people we’ll ever meet.  Still, whether the Fire person is paired with his or her “Mother” element (Wood), or controlling element (Water), the relationship will be…lively.

In Santa Fe, two highly successful realtors embody the interplay of Water and Fire in a committed relationship. Rodney (Water person) and Frank (Fire person) are both in their late forties and work as a team selling high-end homes. Rodney has a wide, gently curving hairline and forehead (indicating many friends plus receptivity to seemingly illogical concepts and an ability to solve problems creatively) and widely set eyes (could be foresight or else the inability to have one point of view and stick to it) with a dreamy, other-worldly look (Water element).  While his eyes may not have the sparkling “shen” of Frank’s Fire-element eyes, we shouldn’t confuse them with the dull eyes of the listless, Yang-deficient person.  Nor should we dismiss potential mates because they fail the “sparkling shen” test. As the great Wilhelm Reich wrote:

“It is well known that one can diagnose the presence of schizophrenia by careful observation of the eyes… One can see the same expression in some truly great scientists and artists, for instance in Galileo and Beethoven.  One could venture the assumption that the great creator in science or art is deeply engrossed in his inner creative forces; that he is and feels removed from petty, everyday noise in order to follow his creativeness more fully and ably. [ Common man] does not understand this remoteness and is apt to call it ‘crazy.’  He calls ‘psychotic’ what is foreign to him, what threatenshis mediocrity.” ²

                                                               WATER AND FIRE

While Rodney may not be a Galileo or Beethoven, he does provide the creative marketing concepts that keep the business vibrant.  As a Water type, he also uses his visionary abilities when “staging” and renovating homes, transforming them into attractive properties. Frank, on the other hand, is the great socializer--a Fire trait.  When the couple takes clients to dinner, Frank provides lively, enthusiastic conversation, moving the spotlight from his desire for a sale to the sheer fun of living.  The client’s purchase nearly become a byproduct of the social interaction he and Rodney have orchestrated.  Frank’s face, with its slightly parched hue, pointed chin and perpetual look of impish delight, is crowned by a well-defined widow’s peak (a sociable trait) and moustache.  The meaning of a moustache has been open to interpretation. It was said recently, by a face reader on a radio broadcast, that men grow moustaches in order to “soften the landing” into their fifties (the area above the lip--the philtrum--represents the fifth decade).  What could the face reader have been suggesting? Perhaps that the nose represents the snowy slope of time, and the moustache is like a mattress somebody abandoned at the foot of the ski jump?  Maybe.  But I have a different explanation…

The philtrum, in addition to representing the fifth decade, traditionally announces our overall creative capacity, our fecundity.  Perhaps, then, by growing a “crop” of hair in this area, by populating it, a man broadcasts to the world--and confirms to himself--his enduring potency.  If a sparse or patchy moustache traditionally denotes unrealized dreams and ambitions, a healthy moustache may demonstrate prowess and personal triumph at the age of fifty. Interestingly, in historical China, men wore ivory and bamboo combs in their moustaches--if they were married.

Returning to Rodney and Frank: how do they interact with each other and what makes the relationship work?  Rodney (the controlling element) brings his inherent caution to bear on Frank’s fiery impulsiveness.  They both understand their strengths and weaknesses. Frank has agreed that, before he offers an outrageous discount on a house simply because he’s certain his client is the only person who will ever be happy in it (a little bit of Fire histrionics), he must first consult with Rodney.  Rodney--always worried about money--will place too high a price on the property. The two of them will then come to a compromise.  Clients are always satisfied. As Rodney and Frank demonstrate, Fire and Water types are especially well matched, despite the polarity that their descriptive names suggest.

MATCHES FOR FIRE

Other suitable elements that Fire can be matched with include Wood and Earth.  Wood (mother of Fire) must be extremely well-balanced in order to bring stability to a relationship with Fire. This is sometimes difficult to achieve since the Wood person is almost always ambitious and overheated and may not always exercise tact or patience.

The other suitable element, Earth (son of Fire) must possess a robust, extroverted character or at least have full possession of him- or herself in order to enjoy life with the noisy, unpredictable Fire person.  The Earth type, a natural ruminator and philosopher, will be yanked from the cocoon of introspection by the Fire person, who would rather march in a parade than watch it pass by.  This may be healthy for the Earth type, who tends to get lost in compulsive thought and behavior patterns at the expense of spontaneity and jubilance.

PUT YOUR FACE IN THEIR HANDS

In the hands of a skillful practitioner, Chinese face reading is a remarkable tool for character analysis and can lead the client to a better understanding of him- or herself.  The Chen/Ko cycle provides a schema for understanding personal relationships, and does so in descriptive “elemental” terms that make sense to anybody.  But this is only a start. Compatibility may be essential but so is moral character.  In seeking the perfect mate we also want to assess their capacity for the five Confucian virtues: humanity, courtesy, honesty, moral wisdom and integrity.  From these qualities spring other attributes such as resilience, fortitude and a sense of humor. Like the lotus unfolding layer by layer, the subtleties of the face unfold to reveal nuance of character and potential for action.

In their exploration of character and its relationship to the forces of nature, the Chinese have created a viable system of psychological evaluation, a system whose universality has endured for centuries.  Used wisely, the ancient art of face reading can lead us to a deeper understanding of ourselves and others and can help us create the lives we desire..